I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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