I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
