OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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