Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize