She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Randomize
