I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and she was petting her beer can
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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