her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
