Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
