ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Can I color on your dick again?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
