This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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