Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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