Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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