ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize