Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize