i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
