She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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