Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize