we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
