Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
He passed out mid-signature
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
