I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
