Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
