this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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