Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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