If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
