East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
My vagina just recognized that song.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize