you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
