btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
