You just made me feel so damn special
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
