i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
