He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
