tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
