Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
