I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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