I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
