Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
