I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
