I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
