yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
It's rum buckets o'clock
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
