I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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