her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
