i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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