Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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