i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
