She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
God, I missed his penis.
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