Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think a kid would responsible me up
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
