You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
