Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
