No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
