party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
