your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
