Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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