some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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