i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
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