im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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