Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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