Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
sarcasm needs its own font
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
