I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
