so explain again why im purple
no
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
