Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize