Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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