Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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