3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
