if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
