I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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