Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize