you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
