I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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