Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
you made out with another girl for some wings
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
