I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
