what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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