U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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