grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
