hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
